Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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