I hate your face
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
