it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
