Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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