At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
