If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
