like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
