I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I forget how to act sober
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