New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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