Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
