Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have aggressive nipples.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
