You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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