Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
