youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
