also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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