there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
