Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
