do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
