who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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