My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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