We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
