youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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