YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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