Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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