I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
