it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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