Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
