On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
