You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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