I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
