Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
