It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
