yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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