he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
