I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
