he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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