just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
