Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
honey bunches of taint.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
