Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
