too bad you live with your parents still
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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