Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
