i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
