nut hugger
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
