i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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