dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
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So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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