in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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