It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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