You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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