I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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