Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
