It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
