you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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