and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
