i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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