i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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