census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
a search helicopter?!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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