I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she peed on how many people?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
