Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
