i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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