You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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