I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
