do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
