why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
