you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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