2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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