I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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