I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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