I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
soo... how was my night?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
