Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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