Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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