i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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