I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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