i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
