I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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