if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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