I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
