I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
