how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
