Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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