I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
