Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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