I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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