She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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