ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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