So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
And then he peed in my hair
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