i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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